Woke up at 2pm today. (: Today was another fruitless day, I guess. Watched the movie Kids with Koike Teppei and Tamaki Hiroshi - it was an okay watch, not great, but still entertaining and sad. I was expecting a more tragic end, but it was happy - which was a nice surprise.

Arts Fest was quite good I guess? I don't really have that much to say about it right now. Somehow the memories seem kind of shortlived and so, I don't really know what to say and reflect on at the moment. The make-up was fun I guess, the food was actually quite good, and well, the second day spent in the auditorium instead of the stuffy dressing room made me feel a lot better.

Performance wise, I think we did okay. :D

I've been sleeping alot lately, so I guess there's nothing much to talk about.

Band tomorrow is making me nervous - I haven't touched my instrument for really long. I'm both excited and scared at the prospect, and I hope I can still actually play. x) I want to head down to Central again after band, but I have no money. We'll see I guess - if it's not raining I may just head down by the river and sit on the steps and watch people pass me by. If it is raining, I guess there are just a lot of other places you can sit in Central. I like that place. (:

( Loveless )

The song is truly growing on me. :D

NaNoWriMo is killing me dead, yay! Considering I am currently at least 14000 words behind schedule, the lack of panic I feel is admirable. Mainly, I guess, because I came into this just going, heck it write scenes and scenes and whatever comes to mind it doesn't even have to be coherent yet.

Arts Fest is tomorrow and Friday. I am looking forward to long hours spent in noisy dressing rooms. Bringing my brother's copy of American Gods to keep me company, as well as my trusty notebook and pen to write and scribble, and my newly charge iPod (which I doubt I'll really get to listen to because it'll be noisy but ahwell.)

Wearing our band uniform for two days straight is going to really smell. D:

I have watched my Diamond DVD at least thrice fully, and countless other sections countless times. (: At least my laptop seems to want to protect whatever's left of my innocence - it always refuses to play my DVD smoothly at Bambina, which is both amusing and slightly annoying. x) I love the whole section from Why to Party Time a lot. I also love the fact that their clothes are somewhat normal! No more flashy, gaudy, brightly coloured, sequinned and tasselled long coats - at least, mostly. I like the cute jackets they had for the part from Ai Ai Gasa to Snow Express - it was adorable! Ginza Rhapsody is heart, so is Massu's solo. (: And Shige's PV! :D

I am not squeeing like a mad fangirl because I already did that watching it the first time (I was alone at home, in front of my TV, and going crazy).

School is ending! Holidays are coming! I need more pursuits other than band to fill my time, which is currently taking up alot alot of it. (And which is also sadly pissing me off because gragh many many things.)

I'm so sleepy right now but I'm forcing myself to write write write some more. The bad thing about NaNo right now is that it's becoming too drawn from real life, and it's making it both hard to write and let others read, as well as read it myself. ):

Rewatched my Pacific DVD in anticipation of the Diamond DVD coming out in about 10 days. :D Seeing Massu say "我是小笼包!!!" has made my night, once again, along with all the various other loveliness, flail, and states of undressghei scattered throughout the DVD. I am too hyper/happy/high to sleep at the moment. Aah NEWS, never leave me. :D When I was watching the DVD, I realised instinctively did all the hand action stuffs for the songs without realising it. Aaah!

Anyway tomorrow is visual arts workshop day, which should be fun!

... I don't really have anything much else to say, actually.

Listened to the preview of Yamapi's Loveless today. I really like it a lot, surprisingly. (: It's on repeat, even with the bad quality, haha. I'm eagerly awaiting when I'll get my Diamond DVD too because :D I can't wait to see it.

It's a pity though, that there's so much to do before then. Thinking about all of it makes me want to climb into bed and never wake up (which is what I did today till one-thirty in the afternoon).

Focus, Sheryl, focus. PEP, Theory, Dance, NaNoWriMo, and all of what is coming up for Band. Plus, other unquantifiable things that will come up soon.

Tomorrow before dance I will do Theory, start on PEP and try to do NaNoWriMo outlines. (Hah, tackling all of it at once.)

It is useless to dream of things that are useless, that you can't even write down because of how ridiculous they are.

Results tomorrow, I am rather ambivalent because I know I screwed up my exams, so I am prepared for equally screwed up marks (or so I try to convince myself).

In any case, the past week has been fun. (: Started on a 1000 piece puzzle on Thursday night and right now I'm about two-thirds through. Wanted to finish by tonight, but I was busy over the weekend, so I didn't manage to.

( the past week )

Today, I changed my wallpaper back to the one with Toda Erika on the beach. (: Also finished watching Koshonin :D

This is just a recount I guess. I've exhausted all my thoughts on vox and they are probably safer there because they weren't very pleasant thoughts. Once again, falling back in love with DCFC.

I wish I could clutch love to my chest as though it were tangible and never let it go. Sometimes I just wish I could hold all things I love close to my chest and never ever let them slip away, but they always do. Because unconsciously, they slip through my numbed fingers without my notice, until it's too late.

Signed up for NaNoWriMo this year, I am excited and waiting to start writing again. :D I have phrases that flit through my mind but as of yet, no plot and with no plot how am I going to write a 50000 word novel? Much less, that they are so seemingly unrelated.

Today I bought a lot of stuff and spent a lot of money, but there were gifts for my mum. (: I also bought $12.80 worth of stuff that was a huge waste, because well, I ended up buying something else that was better suited as a gift anyway. I wish I could get a job and be paid during the holidays.

Tomorrow, I'm going to beg my mum to go with me to East Coast Park at 0600 hours, because I want to be at the beach when I see the sun rise. Maybe I won't see the sunrise, but I want to see the sky and sea lighten from black, to gray, to finally a sort of blue. Because tomorrow, I am going to resolve to do stuff.

I was sitting at Taka McDonalds today after an afternoon at Ion and looking for a pencil case, and then I realised I was in an extremely foul mood. I wrote four-and-a-half pages in my notebook about why and then I realised it was a simple answer to a simple question - because I wasn't doing the right things.

Of course, carrying out that simple answer will be hard(er) but I will do it. It is time to stop being an abject failure at things.

There was another question though, with a less clear answer, but that still has elements of the first answer. I still need to do the right things but in this case the right things aren't as clear. There is still this disconnect and sometimes I wonder if I should bother with making the connect, anymore.

Today Jing Hui said "but we are defined as students so we have to do well in that area to be considered successful" - or something to that effect. I thought, why the heck do we have to be defined by that? I know it may be an important part but I don't believe in doing well just to be successful as a student. I always wondered what would I be stripped down from these labels of "___ girl", "student", "bandette", and I realised that I wouldn't be anything that I really wanted to be.

So this is my resolve to do the right things to paint this person, build her up brick by brick - and these labels, these positions, these stations we take on in life are just my tools to crafting the person who is without all of the labels. Because without these labels I want to stand as someone who is still someone.

(See, this teenage talk about self-definition again. But it's okay.)

Rediscovering my DCFC roots. (: Tiny Vessels lyric win.

This is the moment that you know,
That you told her that you loved her, but you don't.
You touch her skin and then you think,
That she is beautiful, but she don't mean a thing to me.
Yeah, she is beautiful, but she don't mean a thing to me.
...
I wanted to believe in all the words that I was speaking,
As we moved together in the dark.
And all the friends that I was telling,
All the playful misspellings,
And every bite I gave that left a mark.
Then tiny vessels oozed into your neck and formed the bruises,
That you said you didn't want to fade.
But they did and so did I that day.
...
Yeah, you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me.

Along with Styrofoam Plates, Crooked Teeth, I Will Follow You Into the Dark, Title and Registration, and of course, What Sarah Said. (: Pity, I don't have any of their new songs at the moment - last album I have is Plans.

After Monday, I will go raid my brother's library (once again), for Metric, Muse, Emily Haines amongst other things.

Exams have been bad, in general. Physics on Monday will not be any better, I think.

These few days, I've been a vindictive bitch quite a lot - I don't know if it's just not being a doormat or if it's just, I don't know, being a self-centered, insensitive bitch? Increasing feelings of estrangement from people I thought I got along with - fundamental differences in the way we view the world, I guess.

These days, I've realised that there is a distinct difference in the way I view life, and in the way that others do. Maybe it's just because I haven't gotten to know enough people well enough, but for the people I do know (or so I assume) it seems that there is a difference.

In any case, back to doing more physics before I head to bed.

On another note, I love having my iTunes on shuffle. :D The other day it went from Franz Ferdinand's Evil and a Heathen to Asuka Hinoi's ♥Wanna be your girlfriend♥. I was immensely amused.

Today was an epic waste of time.

First, history extra lesson whereby I had troubles concentrating (okay entirely my fault ><). Second, waiting for my mum to collect stuff for about an hour, and during that hour I didn't manage to do any math. Third, being caught in traffic for 45 minutes so much so that I missed my theory lesson completely.

Only good thing? Dance (: Today's class was fun, I wasn't alone but it was still productive. Also managed to get the music for the exam, so I will be listening to it and doing the steps over and over in my head just so I won't forget. The last song is extremely catchy, but somehow I can't seem to locate exactly which song it is. My dance exam is in about three to four weeks. My theory exam is in three weeks, but somehow I seem less nervous for it than dance. Clearly, something is wrong, but it is okay I will work hard for both.

After EOYs, that is. Math is tomorrow, I feel very unprepared because I didn't do any math at all except in the past half an hour. Tomorrow will also be study history and chemistry day, and the onslaught of what I will face tomorrow makes me not want the day to end. ):

Exams today were bad, 'nuff said.

My eyes are closing but I AM NOT PREPARED FOR MATH I WILL DO MATH TILL MY HAIR DRIES.

I am cursed! Currently watching Black and White, and I've finished six episodes in two days. ): I swear everytime before a major exam, I get hooked on a drama/show. Before PSLE, it was Bleach (I watched the whole soul society arc in like, a week or less); before Sec 1 EYAs it was various T-dramas; before Sec 2 EYAs it was Rookies, and now I'm hooked on Black and White.

Which, by the way, is really, really good. I love Chen Lin. I love her more than all the other characters because she's so kickass and amazing and guhh girlcrush girlcrush! (: Also, Vic Zhou is really good in his role - I love seeing him as a shameless flirt, and Mark Zhao is new I can't believe it.

I realise my favourite genre of dramas is currently detective/police/action? (: I can't watch purely fluffy Romance dramas because I'd die of laughter, and scoff at all of it when people are going "Aww so sweet or "Aww so sad" and spoil the mood completely, because things like that don't happen IRL. I'm not even sure love happens IRL, so. But scenes still make me squee though, and it's really good fun to watch? But I wouldn't religiously follow it, or not be able to stop watching, haha.

Also, NEWS Concert DVD was announced!!! :D Currently debating whether or not I should get it (not for too long because the LE will probably run out soon D:), it's going to be another $90 and I'm really broke this year, b-but it's a Concert DVD and I haven't gotten any NEWS stuff at all this year, I think? Yep, none. So, shamelessly asking: Who wants to get me an early Christmas present! Haha okay I don't think anyone will, but yep.

WATCHED CROWS ZERO II. :D

( i.e. major fangirling! )

Another good bit - the trailers of movies coming out! YOMEI IKKAGETSU NO HANAYOME IS OPENING ON 8 OCTOBER! Who wants to watch with me after exams! It has Eita (!!!) and Eikura Nana (!!!) and when I saw the trailer I grabbed my mum's arm and I was like "OMG OMG OMG!!!" then they played the theme song and then I tightened my grip! They look so good together. And the trailer they showed in the cinemas also gave me more shots to anticipate, whee!

Also, Amalfi opening on 22 October! With Oda Yuji, Amami Yuki, Sato Koichi, Fukuyama Masaharu and Toda Erika! Like, completely stellar cast (: Another must watch, I think, just 'cos of the cast alone. And probably the amazing scenery since it was shot completely in Rome. (:

And this! Which means, NODAME MOVIES WILL BE OPENING IN SINGAPORE! Haha omg this is heavenly.

...and this is where I stop because exams are in a week and till then, no more talk of such stuff. >< Last night of freedom, yo. (I guess the last night should have been even earlier, but ah well. CROWS ZERO II DESERVED TO BE WATCHED!)

On other updates, got our traffic stopping yellow batch hoodies today which was an interesting experience, also finished math for once, and JAPANESE GRAFFITI XIV ARASHI MEDLEY ZOMG COMPLETE WIN. It's like my fandoms married - arashi and band. :D All in all even though math and mep has made me cry, the week has ENDED GREAT. :D